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02/11/2015 20:05
Kedish
When I saw her for the first time after a year of complete separation I couldn't speak right. I was so amazed by her, the way she changed but managed to still look like herself, her lovely self. 
I was sitting at the old coffee shop near my college,i used to come there every Wednesday after English class with some friends. We sat there as usual, got our usual drinks from the cute barista who always worked there on Wednesdays, we all checked her out like always and kept daring each other to ask her out. But as usual no one had the balls. Or wanted to. 
It wasn't me who saw her, I wouldn't believe my eyes even if it were.
"Holy fuck" I heard someone say so loud it made a few angry parents sigh angrily and their kids giggle. I didn't turn around right away, I never thought that it was aimed at me. My friend's raised eyebrows confirmed it was. I turned to the source of the shout and almost screamed myself. It didn't take me more than half a second to recognize those brownish- greenish eyes, but hell, it took me the whole day to believe it was actually her.Although my wide open jaw and creepy shocked stare, she just calmly walked over with that amazing smile on her face and hugged me tight. I was too checked to remember to hug her back. I still hope I did. 
 She didn't look like herself, and yet she didn't change too much. She's tanner than before, her hair is longer and she got rd of the red highlighted curls in that brown mess of hers, She lost a little weight which made her look even smaller than the barely 5 foot she already is. I could see the edges of a tattoo peeking out of her shirt sleeve in a pretty mysterious way.
"you look older" I managed to finally say after a while of awkward silence
"I am." she giggled "I'll be 19 in march you know"
I know.
"you don't look so bad yourself" she said with a grin and touched my arm. Right above the elbow, and it made my whole arm tingle. I didn't know what she was doing here, but for some reason I couldn't get myself to talk again.
"I'm here on vacation" she explained herself without knowing she answered my un-asked question. 
"I'll be here till next Sunday." she continued and I just nodded. My head was a mess, my thoughts created tangles in my mind, my stomach jumped up and down in my body. I couldn't tell if i was happy to see her, or mad, or hurt, or falling for her all over again. I thought I might vomit.
"would you like to come over and see everyone?" I heard myself ask. Where the hell dd that come from? 
she nodded before i could change my mind.

We talked through the whole drive back to the house, she said she just finished her volunteering year and she's joining the military soon, going for public relations department. Or something like that.
I told her how my culinary school was going, and about my job at the restaurant we used to go to every special occasion down on F street. That followed a long sigh and she whispered she missed that, but I acted as if I didn't hear that and she played along. She seemed happy now, A lot happier than when she lived here.She really did find her home like she always wanted. I'm still lost, and i wonder if she can see how it hurts me to be with her now. I miss her so much, even when she's right beside me in my car. So close to me, but so far from what I miss.
When we got to the house everyone were thrilled to see her again, and so was she. She hasn't lost her charm on my family.her smiles trapped my dad all the way back when we just started dating and they still trap him now. My mom and she discussed their art and methods and stuff I would never understand,My sister and she were always best friends and even now they laughed and talked for what seemed to me like hours. I let them all have their fun with her, realizing I wasn't the only one who missed her.
After dinner we stepped out to the porch with glasses of white wine, another thing that didn't change was her hatred of red whine. she looked around and smiled. 
"I love this place" she said, and I just looked at her.
"your house i mean," she continued when she saw me looking at her "it used to be my favorite thing about living here. It was always so warm and welcoming"
"it didn't change, you know" I said "it will always be warm and welcoming for you. You're welcome to stay"
she chugged the rest of the wine in her glass and I noticed a tear running down her cheek as she drank. she brushed it off quickly. I held out my hand and tried to put it on her back but she pushed me away. I guess I wasn't the only one hurting.
"I'm sorry" she said quickly "I shouldn't have came here" and she rushed back inside.by the time I came back inside she was already gone.
I let her escape once again.
Will I ever learn?
see from the heart
02/11/2015 22:02
Kedi,

באמת תהיתי לאן נעלמת לתקופה כל כך ארוכה!
תהיי בקשר יותר !!! :)
בקשר לפוסט שלך.. כן. יש אנשים שפוגעים בנו ולא פעם אחת...
לדעתי אנחנו צריכים להתרחק מהם כמה שיותר

בהמון המון הערכה ומקווה שעזרתי ושוב תהיי בקשר!
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